LadyIllusions Demented Thoughts

So this month has been just a sheer heartache for me. I feel like I have let go of anything tangible and have nothing to grab onto. Last night I couldn’t sleep. I am exhausted and tired today. So tired that I want to cry and I can’t. You know just over a week ago I found out Doug had lied to me about everything for 10 long years. Which really shouldn’t matter because I have chosen to be with Phil and not Doug. So what’s the dif everyone says? Regardless it still hurts like hell. I truly, deeply, madly loved and trusted Doug. He was someone I could tell anything to, so yeah it hurt regardless of the fact we were no longer together. He had just recently asked me to choose him over Phil. So lately I had been questioning myself "what if"Then in the last few days I find searches on Phils computer for porn and teen porn. I find a picture of a ladies naked breasts on his phone which he says he never knew was there. Then to top it all off the lady who has text messaged my phone before about Phil cheating on me once again texted me today and said he is still at it and has a kid on the way and won’t leave her alone and wants him to leave her alone but won’t and the sex sucked with him. This is the 3rd instance of her texting me. Everytime Phil says he has no idea why she is doing it. He doesn’t cheat ect. I don’t know what to believe. He yells at me when I ask about it and calls her a cunt and me a bitch for believing it. I don’t know maybe she is just causing trouble. Maybe I should just believe it. I am so confused *tears*